Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
