I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
