I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
