I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
