You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
