Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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