smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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