Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
