I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
