I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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