I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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