we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
