So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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