Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
