billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
