It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
