I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She's like a pop up book from hell.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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