I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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