I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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