It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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