WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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