Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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