fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
