no, he came in my armpit
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
