I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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