dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
