Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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