we have officially lost it.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
