Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
