I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
