I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
