You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
