ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
