Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
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