I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
