There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We need a shit load of segways right now
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
