I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
