I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
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