i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
