she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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