Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
