I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
