how can u be prego again
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
