3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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