You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
