somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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