I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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