I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
