Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
