kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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